My Deep Blue Heart

I wrote this poem when my heart was in a very unstable place. While my heart is in a very unstable place.

It has been for a while, and I know I have some work to do over the next few years...

My mental health is not as sound as I make out, but despite my own nagging advice, I hide it away. The fear of being burden is so heavy.

After a rough night's sleep (barely), in part due to some head banging toothache and a wired brain I needed to 'come down'. Usually I would stand under an ict cold shower for 3 minutes, but in the absence of this... headed to the beach.

Wrapped up warm, hat and all, I walked to the water's edge, hindered by the strength of the blowing wind!

I pealed off my clothes and stood for a moment, with surging adrenaline and stared out across the aggressive, choppy and unforgiving waters.

The rain was irrelevant, as far as it didn't deter. The drops on my face only enhanced my experience.

The waves were strong, smashing up the pebbles; I was robbed my entire focus. The force, the cold, the wind and the rain. And in a contradictory sense, my world stood still.

And I felt I could breathe.

Mindfulness.

3 minutes of cold water induced mindfulness.

A moment to 'be' just there and just 'me'. I felt calm. I felt whole. I felt more free than I have all year.

I felt a connection to the Ocean in that 3 minutes. A familiarity I hadn't really, properly. noticed before.

I heard words and felt rhythm in my head, so I emptied it out. No search for external validation, just a desire to share my epiphany and in turn flex my creative instincts.

I hope you enjoy it.

Em xx

My Deep Blue Heart

𝒾 𝒶𝓂 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝓈𝒽... 𝒾 𝒶𝓂 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝑒... 𝒾 𝒶𝓂 𝓋𝒶𝓈𝓉.⠀⠀

𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔... 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑒𝓋𝑜𝓁𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔.⠀

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𝓊𝓃𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒹𝒾𝒸𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒹𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒾𝒻𝓊𝓁... ⠀⠀

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𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓈 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝒶𝓈𝓉.⠀

----⠀

𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝓂𝓎 𝑔𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝑒... 𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝒹𝓋𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝒶𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝓎𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈...

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𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎 𝓊𝓃𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌𝓃. ⠀ ⠀

𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝒾'𝓂 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝒹... 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝑒.⠀

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𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝓂𝑒... 𝓂𝓎 𝓉𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓈 𝑒𝒷𝒷 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝓁𝑜𝓌. ⠀⠀

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𝓇𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎'𝓇𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒷𝑒𝓎'𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝓁𝑜𝓌 𝓁𝑜𝓌.

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𝒾'𝓂 𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝑜𝓃... 𝒾'𝓂 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝑒. ⠀

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𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒𝓈 𝓂𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈, 𝓂𝓎 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓇𝑜𝒶𝓇.

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𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒶𝓎 𝓌𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓌𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝓊𝓃𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓁, 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓁𝓁 𝒿𝓊𝒹𝑔𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝒾 𝒶𝓂 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓁.

𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝑜𝓎𝒶𝓁𝓉𝓎'𝓈 𝒻𝒾𝑒𝓇𝒸𝑒, 𝒾𝒻 𝒾 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒾 𝓈𝓌𝑒𝒶𝓇, 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀, 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝒾'𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒.

Written by Emelye Dwyer, 25th October 2020